Will you PERMIT me to express my poignant appreciation of last evening's BALL?
Of course you will.
Then I shall proceed without further prologue, pretension nor prevarication.

The occasion was such a fearfully fruitful feast of delight that I can hardly bring myself to think about it without letting a small RABBIT pass in between my toes, all furry and warm and just a little moist, or without the sensation of a VELVET GLOVE cupping my very manhood as I rest him there in rapt contemplation of the never ending wonders to be discovered in the PALACE OF CECILIA.

How could I ever impart to a MARTIAN what it is like?
Indubitably, it would be requisite to commission the services of a small DOG, loyal, stupid and boundless, with a pair of special devil wings attached and all bundled up in a noisy black bin liner to muffle the flapping.

Point the pooch in the right direction with a prayer, a yelp, a favourable wind, and not a little wishful thinking.

Teasingly transcendental, tupperwarily transgressive, torridly transvestite.
MERVEILLEUX!
I feel all warm and sparkly, notwithstanding one's mens' problems and the rigours of the English spring, always shot through as the season is with dashed dreams and dastardly disappointments.

What a HAPPENSTANCE! What a HOOCH! What a veritable VEHICLE of VANITY!

What an opportunity to dig deep into our secret inside pockets and pull out our looking glasses and ask of ourselves "What have we here?" and suddenly grasp in answering, with a click of the heels and a twirl of the moustache, that what we have, chiefly, such as we may be, is ourselves, to wit, merrily whistling away as we superciliously strut about amongst the verdant vibrancy of the vale of venal vanity.

And very good does the KNOWLEDGE of it make one feel.

Allow me to revisit my thanks upon you, jointly and severally, unreservedly, without hindrance nor inhibition and with pure sheer utter ABANDON, for a wonderful evening well went, the consequence, evidently and apparently, of a COMPREHENSIVELY CORRUPT and commendably CARNAL CONCEIT.

Your most humble and obedient servant,

© Andrew Downs