"Good morning!" Darling called down to the tree woman.

"What?" came the reply. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Mm. No I'd better not. I've a whole flagon of urine up in my room."

"What do you call yourself these days?" she called up as she busied herself with the coffee pots.

"I'm an electro-rationalist."

"And what does that involve?"

"Computers and stuff. Thinking with the left-hand half of your brain but using your right-hand mouse button, and vice versa."

"Can you feel emotions?" said the tree woman.

Coffee aroma percolated up through the leaves.
"Not while I'm working. You can't let your feelings get in the way of commercial decision-making."

A slight earth tremor was enough to shake Darling out of his tree into the next field. He landed on a mad cow which made it even madder.

"That's bad Karma for you, " called out the tree woman who he could no longer see.
"Well really it's just gravity, " thought the elector-rationalist, and the sun came out.

A fat girl nearby called to him. "Hey, fancy some sex with a fat girl?"

"Pardon?"

"Ever had fat-girl sex?"

Darling looked round and found her. Sixteen-ish.

"Is there singing involved?"

"It involves putting your Henry in and out and in and out and in and out and in' an' out an' in an' out of my Agatha for a bit. How big is it, anyway, your Henry?"

Thinking about how to express his measurements made it difficult to reply.

"I overheard you saying you was an electro-rationalist and something in me went very wet all of a sudden. Do you know what I mean?"

Darling did. He'd once spent a very hot night in a very bright room with a very wet woman.

The girl, unimpressed at Darling's slowness to action, turned and skipped, bumble-bee-like into the cover of the wood.





© Andrew Downs